To fix your marriage, you sometimes have to appear to lose before winning. The Bible has a word for this. It is called meekness.
Must I be Henpecked to Fix My Marriage?
Some men may feel that I am encouraging them to be what some would deem to be hen-pecked in order to fix their marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am not purporting that men be push-overs as much as I am encouraging them to exercise what the Bible terms to be meekness.
Many have attempted to define meekness. I define it as such:
Meekness is appearing to lose the battle knowing that eventually you will win the war.
Is this not why Christ was silent before Pilate in Matthew 27:11-14? As He stood before His accusers, there was no need to defend Himself. The power of God and the His resurrection from the dead would come to His defense in just a few short days.
Be Like Christ
Many spouses would do well to take on the attitude of Christ and realize that meekness is not giving up the fight. It is learning to fight in a more effective way. It is appearing to take an immediate loss while laying hold of long term gains through faith and Biblical conduct.
Husbands and wives should understand that love, kindness, and especially patience pave the way for effective communication at a later time. They have a way of building up what I call a bank account of credibility and trust that will allow them to make the appropriate withdrawals at an appointed time in the future.
Unconditional Love, the Strongest Weapon Known to Man
Some men may feel that unconditional love makes them to appear weak, but that is a type of mirage for they are actually using the strongest weapon known to man.
Solomon said, “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.” (Song of Solomon 8:7). In the verse before this, he also said that “love is strong as death” (Song of Solomon 8:6).
From Solomon’s song, we can gather that unconditional love is the strongest weapon that you can use to fix your marriage. Though you may appear weak in that you may have to lose a few arguments and appear to be in the wrong, your willingness to love will only help to right a relationship previously wronged by selfish behavior.
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I was in a similar situation with my husband. I learned to let others help carry my burden by praying for us. And i found a hobby that brings me joy and is unrelated to my kids or husband. I totally feel for you as I was ashamed to speak about this with others. But i had some friends that i trusted. It helped me so much. I tried to educate myself a lot about mental health for myself. It is very hard to stay calm when you get mistreated but just try to leave when he gets on the crazy cycle. Take the kids and do something fun or relaxing. My husband usually has a reason for being mean and he has gotten so much better. But i had to let him know that I wasn’t his doormat either.
I am currently a wife that is seeking God’s grace to show this love to my husband. We are currently seperated and have been for 8 months. There has been alot of hurt and damage done. I love how you call this type of love what it is…the strongest love on earth. It also takes a great strength to walk in and show. Only by the grace of God am I able to even begin to show my failing spouse this love (I have also failed but God is redeeming my failure). People do not understand if they have not been shown this love by Christ. It saddens me that “christians” are failing to show this love to the one person on earth they have “promised” to love. We have given ourselves “loopholes” for this one specific person that is failing us.
Thank you so much for your ministry. My husband and I are not at the point where we can start repairing our marriage yet (his heart is still hard) but it has been such an encouragment for me as a wife trying to remain faithful to my covenant and show my husband Christ’s love.