What should a wife do with an embarrassing husband that is too loud, obnoxious, inappropriate in social settings, cutting, or just rude in front of others. Though the cross can be a heavy one to bear, I hope this little bit of marriage advice will help.
He is not You
First off, it should be understood that other people know the difference between you and your husband. Though you may feel as if others are criticizing you in their minds, you are probably slightly misguided in that they understand that he is acting under his own volition. If anything, others probably see exactly what you see, and they understand your plight.
He is not a Reflection of You
Though in a perfect world couples should stick together in purpose and unity, it is helpful in these situation to know that your husband is not necessarily a reflection of you. It is also helpful to know that people know that. Therefore, you do not need to try to recover his reputation, make excuses, or hide out from being seen with him.
Count Your Blessings, Your Cross May Not be as Heavy as Others
If your husband is a little loud, out of touch with other’s feelings, or a social invalid, then you may need to count your blessings. That is, be thankful he is not a drug addict, money launderer, an adulterer, or a jail bird.
In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Paul said, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” Joy typically comes in life when we learn to make the best of the life we have rather than the life we want. In fact, it was Spurgeon that said, “To whom enough is never plenty, plenty will never be enough.”
Validate Him as a Man
Many times, people act in embarrassing ways because they are seeking the love and attention they missed as a child. Instead of ridiculing an embarrassing husband, you may find it more beneficial to wield what I call the sword of thankfulness and praise. In fact, the more you push an embarrassing husband down, you will find that he will probably act in even more embarrassing ways to either spite you or gain a little more attention.
- Learn about our proven, 2-step process
- Designed as a couples devotional
- Use in a group study
- A biblical and refreshing approach
Wow, this article and these comments hit home. Sorry to say misery loves company. I feel so isolated by my husbands behavior. It’s truly embarrassing. He generally isn’t a bad guy and usually doesn’t mean to offend others when we socialize. He is just ignorant to the fact that he says inappropriate things, sometimes because he thinks it’s funny, sometimes because he just isn’t thinking or doesn’t see that people are tired of listening to him and trying to walk away. Constantly interrupts, always one-upping. It’s so obnoxious. We have gotten in heated arguements in public (even in church before!) because he is impulsive and has little control of his emotions, the slightest change of plans or difficulty is enough for an adult child meltdown from him. So I’m the one who has to de-escalate the situation. It all leads to a lonely life because others don’t want to be around us and I do have friends who wonder why I am with a guy like this. It’s sadly humiliating.
I am married to such an individual. He never thinks before he speaks and it’s usually a derogatory comment about me his wife. He has been diagnosed with throat cancer and all household, finance, and pet responsibilities have fallen on my shoulders. He has made humiliating comments about me to his oncologist without asking me first if he should ask the question or comment. I am at my whits end and can not take much more of his controlling humiliating behavior towards me in public during this time. I want to leave him but feel I am trapped. He has been controlling this whole 40 years of marriage and I feel hopeless and helpless. As they say there is no I in team and that is what this marriage is. His rules and his controlling. Something has to change and I feel it is me finally gaining my voice and life back by leaving him. We have done 4 major moves in our marriage for his job advancement and not once have I been given a voice to say if I want to go along for the move. I am forced to move and change jobs with each of his job promotions or job changes. This latest move, he was let go from his job of almost 25 years and I spoke up to say let’s put our marriage first before the next move, but I was vetoed and we moved for his current job basically against my wishes and comments to a Midwestern State I did not want to move to…
I do feel like it is a reflection of me because you are suppose to be a team and people think you are allowing the behavior by standing by it. Sometimes you are left out or not invited because of your husbands behavior. Also your kids blame you or are angry with you for the way your husband acts. So it sure feels like his behavior is a reflection of me and what I stand for. I do agree with there is something in their past that keeps them from growing, maturing or developing. I worry about my sons. They were very loved by both of us but I see a lot of the behavior in them. I don’t think they have had a loved deficit but worried the behaviors are just learned and repeated.