Controlling Husband
As a former control freak, I tend to work well with a controlling husband. In fact, I often say to them that my counseling toward controlling husbands does not have great insight as much as “me sight”. That is, being a former control freak in marriage, I tend to know by first hand experience the different feelings and impulses that men in such a case have that cause them to be a controlling husband.
What Wives Need to Know
More than likely your husband does not dream about another opportunity to have power and control. He does not relish the idea of having the last say so and the final word, although it may appear so.
If you are married to a controlling husband, bear in mind that his need for control probably stems from one of the following:
Fear
Deep down, your controlling husband is a scared little kid. He is afraid of what others may do to him and his family if he fails to stay on guard. More than likely, his fears cause him to clamp down, over-analyze, criticize, and even play God in the marriage.
Though he may appear like an ogre, keep in mind that the most controlling people are typically the most insecure people deep down inside. In fact, their need for control often comes from the fact that they feel so out of control within. James 4:1-2
Guilt over Past Mistakes
The scriptures say in Titus 1:15, “Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.”
This is a very telling verse in that it tells us that those with impurities in their heart tend to filter their surroundings through that sieve of guilt and remorse. Consequently, when others only see good around them, they are still feeling danger and evil.
This can cause a controlling husband to fear what few would fear. What others may consider to be a casual conversation with his wife, he will say as flirtatious behavior. What some would say is a meaningless comment, he will take as a hurtful remark.
A Lack of Trust
A controlling husband was often left to fend for himself when he was younger. Therefore, at an early age, he developed the attitude that if anything good was going to happen, then he would have to be the procurer of such a thing.
Consequently, in marriage, he tends to feel that if he does not have a say, then very little good will come of the situation at hand. In short, he really does not trust any situation that is outside of his control as, when he was young, others could not be trusted to see to his needs.
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What do you do when your husband is a psychopath narcassist. He is very ugly cussing and rude put down comments verbally abusive to kids and I but I front of others puts on the act as if he’s mr nice guy and is like a Jekyll and Hyde. I think he’s very aware he’s doing this because he’s more concerned what others think than his family
Have you confronted him in an non-emotionally charged setting? Also, have you suggested getting outside help in a way that is not so much suggesting it, but requiring it?
I say require, because, even in a bad marriage, it usually surprises husbands and wives to see how much pull they still have with their spouse.
Thank you,
Dr. Force
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He’s a narcissist!