A woman is often asking her husband for the same treatment he wants from Christ. However, men sometimes prove to be hypocritical in that they expect from Christ what they are unwilling to provide for their wives.
Here are a few areas where I find that men show this subtle form of hypocrisy:
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As Americans, we are not a very settled people. In fact, we are probably the most depressed and dissatisfied generation that America has ever produced.
Here are a few reasons why we seem to have almost an epidemic on our hands of people that are heart sick with feelings of anxiousness,
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Dysfunctional people have a way of turning the tables on others. That is, they find a way to make those around them feel like they are the problem, when, in reality, their turbulent heart is the source of turbulence in their lives. (James 4:-1-2)
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My wife and I are not so much great lovers, but good fighters. However, our fight is not with one another as much as it is against the evils of society and our world.
If a couple’s only goals involve securing a good retirement, purchasing things, mere survival,
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The older I get and the longer I teach the Bible, the bolder I become in teaching that the Bible is the best and only standard for couples to follow. Here is a short-list of reasons why I believe this to be the case.
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This last Sunday, I taught out of the book of Kings and Chronicles. The entire sermon was based on one principle: When Israel’s kings obeyed God, they were blessed by God. When they walked in disobedience to God, their tenures were plagued with treachery and trouble.
The application to our families was simple: though there are many possible steps and approaches to solving our issues,
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Ecclesiastes 10:10 tells us that sharpening an ax is a much better way to improve the cutting process than simply swinging a little harder.
In the same way, many of you have worked ever so hard in the last year on your marriage only to come up a little shorter than a year ago.
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There are some things that just need to be said from time to time but those that work with couples may be afraid to say it. Here are a few points that are difficult to articulate in our current culture yet still need to be said. In fact,
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Most of my coaching involves encouraging people to do what their parents should have taught them growing up. Whether the need is to exhibit more self control, show contentment, be thankful, or to love unconditionally, I find that the greatest ailment plaguing our society is that of immaturity.
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Marriage Evangelism
I have been told that 3 out of 4 couples that visit church for the first time make that decision because they are having problems in their marriage. That said, this is one of the reasons why I say that all of our counseling and coaching on marriage falls underneath two categories: evangelism or discipleship.
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When men fail to love their wives because of what they perceive to be a lack of responsiveness, they are allowing themselves to be controlled by the behavior of their wives. In fact, I find that these two things are occurring when this transpires:
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I often receive the question, “Is there hope for my marriage even if I am the only one working on the marriage?” Let me take a few moments to provide some help for those that feel they are a lone ranger of sorts in their marriage.
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How to Survive in a Loveless Marriage
It seems to be common to hear people tell me that they feel they are in a loveless marriage. Some wonder how long their time of waiting will last while others feel they are often at their breaking point.
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What do you say to a spouse or a couple that has lost all desire for their marriage? For spouses or couples in such a state, I often have a rather unique question that I ask.
The Question
Instead of asking,
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I have never seen two truly spiritually healthy people with a bad marriage. What can we learn from this? What does this say about the ultimate answer for our marriage problems today? Below are a few thoughts that should help us in this matter.
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Money and Marriage
There are three things couples argue about the most: money, physical intimacy, and children. Though there are other matters that sometimes come into play, these three areas seem to come up the most when couples air their dirty laundry to me.
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Stonewalling – How it Hurts a Marriage
Whether you are on the giving or the receiving end of stonewalling, it is, nonetheless, harmful to a relationship. Let me share with you a few thoughts about what stonewalling is and how to better deal with it.
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When conflict arises between you and your spouse, how old do you act?
Confession
Early in marriage, I was on a 10 year old level when conflict came my way. As most ten year olds do, I would get emotional,
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When dealing with difficult marital situations, I often say that it is good to remember that we are not able to do more than God. However, I hope to give a little advice in this article to those trying ever so hard to reach that hard-hearted spouse.
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Do you have a Christian marriage? Have questions such as, “What is a Christian marriage?” Let’s take a look at what really makes a Christian marriage.
A Little Test
A few years ago, if I were to give a test to see how Christian a Christian marriage is,
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Over the years, I have met a number of people that name the name of Christ yet tell me that they feel they have an unhappy Christian marriage. Let me offer a few possibilities as to why this may occur from time to time.
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Are You a Reactionary Spouse?
How do you handle your marriage or pre marriage problems? Are you simply reactionary or are you what I call a life-long learner?
The Negative Consequences of Being Reactionary
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Why the Biblical Model for Marriage is the Best Model
Why is the Biblical model for marriage the best model? Why are God’s teachings on the husband and wife relationship far superior to those that would contradict His Word? Here are a few points to consider that should strengthen our faith in the Bible.
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The last few weeks at our church, I have been teaching from Titus 2, Ephesians 5:22-24, and Colossians 3:18-19. These verses teach the following:
Ephesians 5:22-24
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife,
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I do not find that women manage relationships very well. Though there are a number of reasons why this may be the case, I find that if a woman finds herself in a scenario where she is managing a man, a pre marriage relationship, or a marriage,
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Marriage presents a number of interesting paradoxes for men, and, their ability to maneuver through these paradoxes and come out smiling will, many times, determine the success of their marriage.
Though I certainly am not one to put 100 percent of the responsibility on the man,
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Colossians 3:13-19 is a great passage of scripture dealing with marriage as well as other areas. Though I have written about verses 18 and 19 in other articles, I would like to convey an all-important lesson from verse 14 as it relates to marriage.
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Help on How to Have a Happy Marriage
My wife and I do not have a happy marriage because we have one another. We have a great marriage because we are happy and fulfilled before we even see one another. The love and happiness we share is out of the overflow of what God is already doing in our lives.
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There is probably not a more in-politically correct teaching in the Bible than that of Ephesians 5:22-25. However, much of the consternation surrounding teachings as such flow from a misunderstanding of God’s view on the husband being the head of the house. Let’s take a look at what it means for the husband to be the head of the house or the family.
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Here are a few signs of a dysfunctional marriage or pre marriage relationship that should help you to assess the state of your relationship with your spouse or significant other.
Dysfunctional Behavior is No Longer Shocking
Dysfunctional marriages and relationships have a way of desensitizing each participant to its negative aspects.
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Feeling as if Your Children are Causing Marriage Problems?
There are three things couples argue about the most; money, sex, and children. Here is more Christian-based help for those feeling that their children are causing marriage problems.
Your Children are Not the Issue
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A Few Signs of a Controlling Spouse
Are you a controlling spouse? Are you possibly married to a controlling spouse? Here are a few signs of a controlling signs that should help you to understand if you are, indeed, married to a controlling spouse or guilty of such behavior.
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Of course, I will not be able to solve every marriage problem with this article, but I hope to be able to shed a little more light on the matter for those wondering, “Would God want me to stay in a bad marriage?”
Some Really Bad Doctrine
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Advice on How to be a Better Husband or Wife
People often come to me to learn how to be a better husband or wife. During that process, they will either ask questions or make statements as such:
“How can I be a better husband or wife?”
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There seems to be a growing epidemic of Christian wives that are striving so hard to meet a Christian standard in their home that they fail to meet one of the most important standards of all, joy.
Romans 14:17 teaches:
“For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink;
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I am a firm believer that if you let life happen, life has a way of running you over. In fact, Matthew Henry said, “The way of sin is always downhill.” I like to put it like this:
There is no such position as neutral in the Christan life because sin and selfishness are like gravity.
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The average couple that comes to me for marriage help knows more counseling terms than I do. As they describe their plight, they often relate their abandonment issues, the narcissistic tendencies of their spouse, and their list of diagnoses from other counselors.
My training is not in the area of psychology or therapy.
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There is a popular teaching in the body of Christ today dealing with marriage that is sometimes misused or over generalized. It goes something like this:
If a husband will love his wife as Christ loved the church, then the woman will either be happy or willing to return that love and affection.
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James 4:1-2 shows us that people war without as a result of a lack of peace within, and I have found that this is especially true in marriage.
James 4:1-2
James 4:1-2 says:
“From whence come wars and fightings among you?
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Why Nobody Wins when Couples Play the Blame Game
Nobody wins when couples play the blame game, except, of course, for divorce attorneys. Let me give you a few reasons as to why couples should stop playing the blame game.
It has Never Worked
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You probably have more of a Normal Marriage than you think
Being someone that has counseled and coached couples from all different walks of life, I have come to the conclusion that most couples struggle with basically the same issues. That is, you may be surprised to find out that you have more of a normal marriage than you think.
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A few years ago, I received a phone call from a church that wanted to host one of our marriage events on a Friday evening. After solidifying a date, we were blessed to minister to a small group of about 30 or so out in the middle of nowhere.
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As you consider ways to improve your marriage, you should understand that marriages do not improve by themselves. In fact, it takes an amazing amount of emotional and spiritual elbow grease to keep a marriage on track.
A Downhill Slide
I am a firm believer that if you let life happen,
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Marriage Problems with Children
Couples argue about three things the most: money, sex, and children. Though there are other pressures in marriage, it should be said that it can be doubly difficult to fix your marriage problems as well as parenting problems at the same time.
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Many wonder if they should stay in a marriage for the children’s sake. My standard answer for those having what some might call normal marital disagreements is yes. Here’s why:
Divorce desensitizes children to the very thought of it.
When dad and mom divorce,
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I certainly understand that there are a vast amount of husbands that have failed in their marital responsibilities. However, sometimes, there are what I call bad solutions to bad problems. And, it should be noted that even when a husband falls down on the job, it is not a license for a wife to become a controlling wife.
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Considering a Marriage Ultimatum?
I am often asked about marriage ultimatums. Though I am sure that there have been a few times in history when marriage ultimatums have worked, let me provide a little insight as to why they often are futile.
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When assisting couples in need, I often ask them how many children they have. I then go on to ask them the age of their children. If I find out that they have a newborn baby or a baby on the way, my counseling and coaching takes on a different flavor.
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What a woman wants deep down inside is a man that is a cross between William Wallace and her best girlfriend. She wants his strength at 3 pm when he is working hard for the family, but would rather have his tenderness at 9 pm when she is befuddled from a hard day.
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Should We Separate?
Couples having extreme marital issues often ask, “Should we separate?” For those in such a state, I trust my advice will help you to find some clarity.
Separation Seems to Slow the Recovery Process Down
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