Blog Archives

Maybe You Do Not Have Marriage Problems After All

 

At our last marriage conference in Missouri, I spent a good amount of time talking about the rage that is in the average person’s heart in our day. The reason for this is simple: the further away a society runs from the reality of the cross, the more rage they carry in their souls.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


After 25 Years Of Marriage – This Is What We Have Learned

 

 

This December, my wife and I will have been married for 25 years. I am more than thankful for the lessons we have learned along the way.

 

A Few Lessons We Have Learned

 

Though we are certainly not the Corn-flake couple,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Have You Been There And Done That With God?

During the first session of our marriage conferences, we take the time to discuss the importance of the Father’s presence in each of our lives. In fact, I often say that without an eternal view of our lives and marriages, our advice simply serves as five smooth stones placed in the wrong sling of selfishness and humanism.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Does Your Marriage Suffer From Emotional Amnesia?

Does your marriage suffer from what I call emotional amnesia? That is, when a problem arises, do you or your spouse act as if you have never learned good conflict resolution skills? Do you forget about the emotional heart strings that have been tied throughout the years and give place to your raw emotions?

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Posted in Marriage Advice


This Is What It Looks Like

 

It seems that there is a thread that runs through much of my coaching, teaching, and writing as I teach individuals and couples about the ways of God in relation to marriage and relationships. This thread can be summed up in this little phrase: this is what it looks like.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


The Greatest Lesson I Have Learned After 16 Years Of Counseling

The longer I coach and counsel couples, the more I am convinced that the greatest need for spouses is to gaze upon Christ through His Word. (II Corinthians 3:18)

We all have a dividing line between our soul and our spirit (Hebrews 4:12), and I am finding that unless that dividing line is precisely hit with the presence of the Father (John 14:21-23),

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Posted in Marriage Advice


The Way We Treat Our Wives Says A Lot About . . .

 

The way I treat my wife says a lot about my relationship with God. Far fetched? Let me use a little of the King James vernacular here in response: I trow not.

I John 4:20 teaches us that if we cannot love those that we see,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


What Is Your Relationship IQ?

Do problems in a marriage change the marriage or accentuate the Relationship IQ of the spouses involved? In many instances, I choose the latter.

Wisdom is the DNA of success. It is the canvas upon which the portrait of success is painted, and, to be very frank, this is why far too many marriages present such a bleak picture of marriage.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Discontentment – The Great Killer of Marriages

Discontentment causes people to feel that their environment needs to change, when, in many cases (yet not all), the problem is not their environment, but the instability in their heart. (James 4:1-2)

Discontent spouses often feel they received the short end of the the stick in life, rushed into matrimony,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Why I’m So Fired Up

I did some math the other day, and I realized that in 25 years I will be 70 years of age. That said, I guess it’s time to just go all out and attack the radical problems of our day with radical solutions.

Marriage is the axle to which every spoke in our society is connected.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


The Most Important Question For Your Marriage

I find that the problem with many is not so much that they fail to give the right answers as much as they tend to ask the wrong questions.

For many, instead of asking, “Should I leave my marriage?”, “Are we compatible?”, “Is there too much water under the bridge?”,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Why Men Are Protesting

 

I am finding more and more men that are just plain frustrated, and their frustration appears to have some semblance of validity.

Quite simply, many men seem to be lining up in protest against what they feel is an uneven patch on the battle ground of relationships.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


You Only Live Forever

 

I often hear spouses in troubled marriages say things like, “You only live once. If I don’t jump ship now. How much time will I have to start all over and enjoy a good marriage.”

The problem, however, is that, if we are in Christ,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


What Happens To Men When Women Get Mad

A man may act defensive, inconsiderate, or non-nonchalant when his wife is upset, but I am not so convinced this is his initial reaction deep down inside.

Generally speaking, men are goal-oriented. In fact, I find that most men really do want to please their wives. However, when this goal goes unmet,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


No Marriage Runs On Empty

 

Every marriage is like a well. Without a source outside of itself, it will fall short in producing that which it was designed to supply.

I am a pastor, director of Hitting Home, father of eight, boys varsity basketball coach, and an owner of another family business we started about seven years ago.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


How To Use Your Pain For Good

I always backed down in a discipleship or counseling session when someone said they were in pain. Mostly because I did not want to overstep my bounds as a person that was a fare stranger to this foe.

Most of you know our story by now. You are aware that pain entered our lives as a family about a year ago upon the passing of our sweet Grace.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Why Fear Is Worse Than Greed

 

There are two emotions in life that cause hardships in our relationship with God, our spouses, and our children. Though one seems to get a pass on many an occasion, both are extremely destructive. These menaces are fear and greed.

If fear and greed were villains,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Great Marriage Or A Great Wife?

My wife and I could destroy one another if we wanted to. Yep, that’s exactly what I said. Even though I am a marriage coach, author of a marriage book, marriage speaker, and a pastor, we could easily focus on the past, nitpick our idiosyncrasies, and wake up each morning with a load of case files against the other.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


What To Do When An Emotional Storm Comes Through

I have been a Christian since the age of 17 and my flesh is no more saved today than the first day I came to Christ. Though it’s a little frustrating at times, it was also the admission of the apostle Paul when he said “in me (that is,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Adulting? Really??

It was just a few months ago that I heard the word “adulting” for the first time. I have to be honest. I was a little taken aback with its mere existence. That is, the very presence of the word should speak volumes to us in that if we even need such a word,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Headship Looks A Lot Like Submission

 

In our out-of-balance society, we often have a very distorted view of the Biblical teaching on headship in marriage.

The scriptures teach that the man is the head of the wife. This is evident in Ephesians 5:23 where God says:

 

For the husband is the head of the wife,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


The Emotionally Entitled Spouse

 

We are all well aware of financial entitlement, but have you ever considered that some have an issue with emotional entitlement? You may also not be aware that this sense of emotional entitlement can cause great difficulties in any marriage or premarriage relationship.

 

Where Does Entitlement Come From?

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Controlling Through Emotion – Does Your Spouse Have a Choice?

 

How many options are on the table when you have a disagreement with your spouse? That is, are they able to disagree or refrain from giving you what you desire without you losing your cool, getting huffy, or pouting? If not, then there is a good possibility that you are controlling your spouse through your emotions.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


What’s Wrong With Trying To Change Your Spouse?

It is very interesting to see the type of statements and thoughts that pass as normal and acceptable thinking that are not only unbiblical, but, if I may, absolutely absurd. One of those thoughts is often voiced in any of the following ways:

 

I am looking for someone that won’t try to change me.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Why We Have A Good Marriage

 

I can secure the finest black powder and the best cannon balls, but if the angle of the cannon is off, then I should never expect to hit my target.

Why is it that a number of spouses have made what they feel are all the right changes,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


I Feel Your Pain

 

For the first time in my life, I believe I can honestly say, “I feel your pain.”

Many of our readers are already aware that this last year we lost our 12 year old daughter, Grace Evangeline, in an automobile accident. Though we have been surrounded by His Presence and care over the last 7 months,

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Posted in Dr. Raymond Force's Musings, Marriage Advice


Be Your Way Out Of Your Marriage Problems

Everyone wants to know what to do in order to move forward in their relationships, but few seem to realize that even the best attempts at doing something different still miss the mark.

The ultimate goal in solving marriage issues or refining a pre marriage relationship should never be to do more as much as it should be to be what God would have you to be.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Every Marriage Has A Belief System

 

You may think that you are just an impatient spouse. However, it could be that impatience is only a secondary issue. Your real problem may lie in other areas.

 

A Futile Approach

 

Many feel that the answer for their marriage problems is to just work harder at showing more patience.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


If You Could Say Just One Thing To A Newlywed Couple

 

Last week, we were coming back from ministering at a family conference in Wisconsin and I met a young man that was soon to be married. In fact, he was a young Christian man that is about three weeks away from marriage.

After the meal,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


How to Make a Man Want to Pull His Hair Out

Some women learn from an early age that though they may not be able to overpower the men in their lives, they can use emotional manipulation as a wrestling move of sorts to get their way. As a father of seven with four girls, I have seen this first hand.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


How to Simplify the Marriage Problem-Solving Process

 

Faith in God is obeying Him and leaving all the consequences to Him. This is why Proverbs 3:6 teaches:

 

“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

 

Our primary concern is never to be a specific result as much as our obedience to our Heavenly Father.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


A Woman Really Wants What She Doesn’t Want

If a man only works at providing an atmosphere of love and safety in his marriage, he will fall short of fulfilling his role as a husband. Though love and safety are vital, a man also needs to add a little danger to the mix in order to complete the romantic puzzle.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Because Someone Has to Say It

 

I am increasingly mesmerized at the amount of Christians that have a light view of the marriage covenant. Instead of till death do them part, it’s as if they vowed, “as long as I am happy”, “till we grow weary of one another”, or “as long as my expectations are met”.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Are You a Conditional Lover?

 

The tendency to love conditionally seems to run through our bloodstream. I see this as I pastor, counsel, deal with children, conduct business, and manage my own emotions.

Let’s face it, we are conditional lovers by nature. Maybe this is why God described mankind in the following way in Romans 3:17:

 

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Where Men Blow It

A woman is often asking her husband for the same treatment he wants from Christ. However, men sometimes prove to be hypocritical in that they expect from Christ what they are unwilling to provide for their wives.

Here are a few areas where I find that men show this subtle form of hypocrisy:


 

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Posted in Marriage Advice


A Heart Sick Nation

 

As Americans, we are not a very settled people. In fact, we are probably the most depressed and dissatisfied generation that America has ever produced.

Here are a few reasons why we seem to have almost an epidemic on our hands of people that are heart sick with feelings of anxiousness,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


How Dysfunctional People Make You Feel Dysfunctional

 

Dysfunctional people have a way of turning the tables on others. That is, they find a way to make those around them feel like they are the problem, when, in reality, their turbulent heart is the source of turbulence in their lives. (James 4:-1-2)

 

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Great Lovers or Great Fighters?

My wife and I are not so much great lovers, but good fighters. However, our fight is not with one another as much as it is against the evils of society and our world.

If a couple’s only goals involve securing a good retirement, purchasing things, mere survival,

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Posted in Marriage Advice


How the Bible Helps My Marriage

 

The older I get and the longer I teach the Bible, the bolder I become in teaching that the Bible is the best and only standard for couples to follow. Here is a short-list of reasons why I believe this to be the case.

 

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Obey Your Way Through Your Marriage Problems

 

This Last Sunday

 

This last Sunday, I taught out of the book of Kings and Chronicles. The entire sermon was based on one principle: When Israel’s kings obeyed God, they were blessed by God. When they walked in disobedience to God, their tenures were plagued with treachery and trouble.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


New Year, New Approach to Marriage

 

Less Effort, More Wisdom

 

Ecclesiastes 10:10 tells us that sharpening an ax is a much better way to improve the cutting process than simply swinging a little harder.

In the same way, many of you have worked ever so hard in the last year on your marriage only to come up a little shorter than a year ago.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Some Things Marriage Counselors and Pastors Are Afraid to Say

 

Some Things Marriage Counselors and Pastors Are Afraid to Say

 

There are some things that just need to be said from time to time but those that work with couples may be afraid to say it. Here are a few points that are difficult to articulate in our current culture yet still need to be said.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


The Mature or Not So Mature Spouse

 

Most of my coaching involves encouraging people to do what their parents should have taught them growing up. Whether the need is to exhibit more self control, show contentment, be thankful, or to love unconditionally, I find that the greatest ailment plaguing our society is that of immaturity.

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Posted in Issues Relating to Husbands, Marriage Advice


Marriage Evangelism – A Copy for You and a Friend in Need

 

Marriage Evangelism

 

I have been told that 3 out of 4 couples that visit church for the first time make that decision because they are having problems in their marriage. That said, this is one of the reasons why I say that all of our counseling and coaching on marriage falls underneath two categories: evangelism or discipleship.

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Posted in Dr. Raymond Force's Musings, Marriage Advice


Who’s in Charge of Your Marriage?

 

When men fail to love their wives because of what they perceive to be a lack of responsiveness, they are allowing themselves to be controlled by the behavior of their wives. In fact, I find that these two things are occurring when this transpires:

 

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Posted in Marriage Advice


When You are the Only One Working on the Marriage

 

I often receive the question, “Is there hope for my marriage even if I am the only one working on the marriage?” Let me take a few moments to provide some help for those that feel they are a lone ranger of sorts in their marriage.

 

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Posted in Marriage Advice


How to Survive a Loveless Marriage

 

How to Survive in a Loveless Marriage

 

It seems to be common to hear people tell me that they feel they are in a loveless marriage. Some wonder how long their time of waiting will last while others feel they are often at their breaking point.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Have You Given Up On Your Marriage, Faith in God

 

Have You Given Up on Your Marriage?

 

It is common for people to say, “Once he/she wants to change, then they can receive help.” But, what about the spouse or couple that is so destitute of hope that they said goodbye to desire a long time ago?

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Posted in Marriage Advice


The Ultimate Answer for Marriage Problems

 

The Ultimate Answer for Marriage Problems

 

I have never seen two truly spiritually healthy people with a bad marriage. What can we learn from this? What does this say about the ultimate answer for our marriage problems today? Below are a few thoughts that should help us in this matter.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


Marriage and Money, Help for Christian Couples

 

Money and Marriage

 

There are three things couples argue about the most: money, physical intimacy, and children. Though there are other matters that sometimes come into play, these three areas seem to come up the most when couples air their dirty laundry to me.

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Posted in Marriage Advice


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Marriage and Relationship Coaching

Over the Phone
Call Us at 1-888-642-3036
Talk Now - Live 24/7 Help
Available on Amazon

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Order our Christian Marriage Book
How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another

 

  • Learn our 2-step Process to Solving Marriage Issues
  • Use for your next Bible study
  • A Biblical Yet Refreshing Approach

 

 

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